You'll be loved, you'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams,
Just a series of blurs like I never occured.
Someday, you will be loved.

Everytime I log into this site, I read everyone's updates and then open a window to make a new post. But I never do. This site was created as my Air Force Academy girlfriend site... Yet, as of now, I'm not even an Air Force Academy friend. So, I deleted everything after the break-up, and besides this post, I intend to leave it that way. I learned a lot over my year of AFA girlfriend life, and it's all documented here. I always hear stories about cadets who have been changed by the Academy, but I think it changes all of us. I am going to start afresh on a new site here. I'll be adding everyone and leaving comments with the new name later today.

The Final Chapter?

Trevor and I started having issues in December... Although, he says he didn't know that certain things he was doing caused problems. In February, he broke up with me for a girl at the Academy. I started dating a guy here named Kurt. Trevor came back. I went to visit him towards the end of February and found out more upsetting things. Kurt and I continued to grow closer and closer for the next few months. Then he went to China, which was far more devastating to me then any time I had to leave Trevor... I went to the Ring Dance, and had the time of my life. Trevor still came here at the beginning of his leave, as planned. Met my roommate, met my dad... And three days into his visit, met Kurt when he came home from China. In the next few days, I almost lost them both. When the choice came down, I chose Kurt. Trevor left a week early, and called me last week to tell me that he had deleted all my contact information and that he never wanted to hear from me again. I've never had a breakup end sourly. Maybe, one day in a few years, I can facebook him and we can be friends. We'll see. For now, I'm going to get ready to celebrate 6 months with Kurt in a few weeks and focus on work and school.

Have you ever really thought about how hard it is to follow your own advice? When my sister or another younger friend comes to me with their heart broken, I've always been there listening, providing advice, but all the while thinking their broken hearts were.... silly? It's not the best word, but all I can think of. Oh, they're young, 99.9% of those relationships are doomed to failure...

And here I am, about to be 21 years old... And it's hard not to have that typical girl feeling that my whole life is over or that my world just came crashing down around me.

For a girl that lives so much in the future, I'm having a hard time looking forward to the point where I can be happy again. Maybe it's because I don't want to be happy without him... I want things to be back the way they were.

I wish I could fix it.

Go find a very fragile beautiful oriental plate. Now, climb up a very high mountain... And toss it off.

And that's me.

It's over.

Today is miserable... And the only way I'm making it through is...

THREE WEEKS!

Here I am!

Yes, I am here... And with updates! Things have been quite hectic with school and work lately (and who I am kidding, it's because I play video games too much, muahahaha!). I will admit, having a pretty big project due in Performance Studies already was not the most helpful thing...

Anyway, my classes are wonderful... Calculus is already kicking my butt, but I think that's why I like it, something to challenge me. Plus, this hottie in my class offered to tutor me (in a completely platonic nature, of course). Russian is incredibly interesting, and the teacher just cracks me up. Then Constitutional Law... This is the class I am most nervous about. Not because I can't do the work, because I am fabulous with anything involving Law or Politics (first semester of college, I was one of three that had an "A" in my 300 (junior) level Law class... And it wasn't just an "A", I had a 100 average. ), but I am nervous because I am completely and utterly polar opposite of EVERYONE else in that class. They got into this big talk about when the supreme court would realize they "made a mistake" with Roe v. Wade.... Oh boy, I got riled. Everyone has told me not to challenge the teacher because she hates that, but I'm sorry, a) women should have the right to choose (and not have to tell their parents, even if they are 14!) b) gays should be allowed to get married c) I should be allowed to say these things in my class and not have to worry about my grade. SO THERE. Hmph!

Let's see here... Public Speaking is Public Speaking, but we have lots of theatre kids in there, which is fabulous! Then Performance Studies... What can I say about Performance Studies? So far, we've played some games dealing with stereotypes... Did a sculpture project based on an object (And by that, I mean we were the sculptures)... And done lots of yoga. It's wonderful, the people are wonderful, Dr. Carrie is wonderful... Last, but not least, German II. It's going alright, dative is a little out there, but I'm catching on alright. Plus, this retired AF officer is in there that I enjoy talking to. Last week, we went and got Starbucks (Try the Refresh tea, best tea EVER) and he spent an hour talking to me about the responsibility of being an Air Force Officer's wife. About 128,549,393 steps ahead of me, but the thought was nice.

Speaking of the Air Force... THE PERFECT DRESS. I'm still not sure if I'm going to the Ring Dance or not (and I'm too pansy to ask again... maybe when I'm visiting) but if I am, I saw THE dress. There's a formal shop right near my apartment that I drive by everyday and they had this beautiful dress up in the window. So, one day, I had Roomie in the car with me, and told her to look at the dress... We ride by, and the dress is GONE! But in it's place is an even BETTER dress! I don't know how it'd look on me, and I don't want to go try it on lest he decide to take that other girl, and leave me broken-hearted about how good I look in this dress with no where to wear it.

I guess that's about it for the time being. I'll catch you lovelies on the flipside!

P.S. Did anyone notice what I put as my currently listening when I was drinking the other night? I don't even know what I searched for!! Hahaha.